You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
