It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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