Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
