i jhust puked up my retainher.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
