We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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