1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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