I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
