Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
