yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
