Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i think i just lost a toe
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
