I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
