This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
