Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
