You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
