All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
