the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We're too hungover to prance.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
