If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
