I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
