the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
