haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
