If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
