is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
