sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
