Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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