I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
