Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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