i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
