What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
