so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
