she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
