Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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