areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
