Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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