those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
