So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
