I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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