I want to make a zoo with you.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
