I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
