My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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