i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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