I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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