PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
