Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
