I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
