she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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