He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
