he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
