really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
