i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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