My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
